Monday, July 27, 2009
That being said, if anybody wants to hop on and do some NFL team analysis, I'd love to have you write for the site, just pick a team other than the Giants (that's my job) and send whatever you have to firstname.lastname@example.org - if I like it, I'll post it - simple as that.
In the meantime, I'll leave you with some of the more comical aspects of the fateful night that "Plaxi-CON" Burress derailed the Giants season:
- on the evening of November 28th, Giants teammates Plaxico Burress, Antonio Pierce and Ahmad Bradshaw were spotted at New York Strip club Head Quarters, eating turkey dinners and drinking bottles of Patron (not the greatest combo if you ask me). While at Head Quarters, the married Pierce was caught groping numerous strippers (still love ya Pierce)
- after Head Quarters, the three men headed over to Latin Quarter, a club on the East Side - where the dimwitted Burress brought his .40-cal Glock with him to the VIP section (smart one Plax! VIP sections at nightclubs are real dangerous spots! Thank god you had your glock with you)
- around 1:50 AM, Burress is escorted to another VIP section of the club by a bouncer and fumbles his gun, leading to the infamous "shot through the thigh" (AND YOU'RE TO BLAME! YOU GIVE THE GIANTTSS A BADDDD NAME!).
- being the good teammate that he is, Pierce then rushed Burress to his Escalade and drove off to New York-Cornell Hospital (Burress's gun was apparently brought to the car and placed in the glovebox by a caring bouncer).
- once at the hospital, Burress thought it wise to sign in under the fake name "Harris Smith" (Fantasy Football team name anyone?) and stays there overnight while being treated for gunshot wounds
- Pierce leaves Burress at the hospital and drives home, but not before dropping his blood soaked gun off with Plax's wife Tiffany (I'm sure she was THRILLED that Antonio Pierce woke her up in the middle of the night and handed her a bloody gun that her husband had shot himself with... what a wake up call)
- Ahmad Bradshaw is nowhere to be found - he was clearly the smartest one of the three and must have stayed at Head Quarters groping strippers all night (a perfectly common way for an NFL star to spend his evenings)
Now, on another note, legendary NY District Attorny Robert Morgenthau is apparently hellbent on sending a message to ill-behaved athletes and is determined to get Burress behind bars for AT LEAST two years. Morgenthau will be retiring at years end and it seems as if he would like to go out with a bang - so good luck trying to play football Plax... won't be easy.
PS - FUCK YOU PLAXICO! You went from "hero to zero" to use the old cliche in 99% of Giant's fans books. You singlehandedly derailed the Giants shot at back t0 back Superbowls with your selfish behavior. Without your services, we lost to the FUCKING EAGLES! AT HOME! IN THE PLAYOFFS! The same Eagles that consistently never had an answer for you. The same Eagles that you had torched throughout your entire career. Eli wasn't the same without you. The offense as a whole wasn't the same without you. And despite the best efforts of Domenik Hixon, Steve Smith, Amani Toomer and the rest of the Giants WR's, they just weren't good enough. So, I hope you had fun at Latin Quarter that night, and I at least hope you got laid before you shot yourself. Have fun in jail, ask Vick for some advice.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Let's begin things with the almighty New York Knickerbockers and their blockbuster headline trade of Quentin Richardson to Memphis (who was quickly unloaded by Memphis to the Clippers for another former Knick Zach Randolph... so Q Rich to the Clippers, Z Bo to the Grizz... both are sure to catapult their respective teams into the pantheon of all time great NBA teams... or not) for the much maligned Darko Milicic (for those of you with short term memory loss, remember that Darko was drafted AHEAD of Carmelo Anthony, Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh.. among others). While many fans may be skeptical of this move, I was rather pleased that Donnie Walsh managed to unload one of our many shoot-first, pass-later guards, as well as my personal least-favorite Knick. Darko will most likely never live up to his draft pick status (mainly due to the incredible success of the rest of that draft class, which of course also included Lebron James), but he has been showing signs of improvement and is a definite upgrade to the Knicks frontcourt clusterfuck featuring the likes of the immortal Jared Jeffries, Chris Wilcox and Eddy Curry.
In keeping with the orange and blue, many recent talks had indicated that Jason Kidd was high on the Knicks target list and would have been a great veteran addition to the team, but at last they could not match Mark Cuban's enticing offer of 3-years/$25 million for the 36 year old Kidd and he has since decided to stay put in Dallas.
Now that we have discussed the Knicks... let's move on to one of the bigger free agent signings so far this summer. I am talking of course about Shaq going to the Cavs to potentially end his career playing with Lebron and bringing a title to Cleveland (or so they hope). The 37 year old Diesel certainly has some stuff left in the tank and will provide a much needed frontcourt boost for the Cavs (who had an awfully hard time defending Dwight Howard this past postseason). This deal also sent Sasha Pavlovic and Ben Wallace to Phoenix (clearly a salary dump move for the Suns, for they will likely waive Pavlovic and Wallace has said he will retire). I certainly feel for Suns fans lately, it is clear that GM Steve Kerr believes their window to win a championship with this current squad has closed and they have begun the rebuilding process (a long, slow and painful process for any fan to endure) and as well as sending Shaq packing, they have also been looking to deal both Amare Stoudemire and Steve Nash.
The next major move to take place (which actually happened before the Shaq deal) was the Bucks sending Richard Jefferson to the Spurs in another similar salary dump deal, while acquiring Kurt Thomas, Bruce Bowen and Fabricio Oberto. This deal is a serious winner for the Spurs, who add the dynamic scorer Richard Jefferson to an already stacked starting lineup, which now features four all-stars in Duncan, Ginobli, Jefferson and Parker. The Spurs believe their window is closing quickly to win another championship with this core and they certainly made the necessary moves to give them as good a shot as anyone this year. Watch out for San Antonio.
In keeping with the Bucks, who have seemingly gutted their roster, they also lost Charlie Villanueva via free agency to the Pistons. The Pistons also made another big acquisition by signing free agent Ben Gordon from the Bulls, but did also lose Rasheed Wallace to the Celtics, and are likely to lose Allen Iverson as well. All in all, the Pistons have come out on top and should be optimistic about their new potential starting five of Rodney Stuckey, Ben Gordon, Rip Hamilton, Tayshaun Prince and Jason Maxiell.
Let's stop for a second and reflect on Boston's recent signing of Rasheed Wallace. If this had happened five years ago, the Celtics may have been unbeatable - picture this starting lineup when all players were in their prime - Stephon Marbury, Ray Allen, Paul Pierce, Rasheed Wallace and Kevin Garnett. At one point that was a bonafide allstar team, and currently ain't too shabby either. However, all reports point to Marbury leaving town (which is a good thing for Boston) as Rondo has clearly established himself as the Celtics point guard of the future.
As the balance of power slowly shifts back to the Eastern Conference, the Orlando Magic had to make their move to stay competitive with Boston and Cleveland and pulled off a blockbuster deal with the Nets by landing Vince Carter. This is certainly a "swing for the fences" deal because they did lose their best young guard (Courtney Lee) for an aging, albeit effective, veteran in VC. This deal would have been even sweeter for the Magic had they been able to hold on to Turkoglu, but alas they could not afford him and Hedo opted to spend his days in the international friendly city of Toronto, giving Toronto an impressive starting five consisting of Jose Calderon, Shawn Marion, Hedo Turkoglu, Chris Bosh and Andrea Bargnani.
As if winning the NBA championship and retaining Kobe Bryant in the offseason wasn't enough, the Lakers have gone ahead and added Ron Artest to an already scary good Lakers team that at this point has to be the clear cut favorite to repeat as champions. Although they did lose Trevor Ariza (a vital part of their championship run), who signed with the Rockets, they replaced him with the more than capable Artest. Not only did they sign Artest, they also got Jackson to agree to stay on as head coach for at least one more year, showing that they aren't done yet.
Some more minor moves occurred around the NBA as well:
- Jamal Crawford to the Hawks (Speedy Claxton and Acie Law going to the Warriors)
- Randy Foye and Mile Miller to the Wizards (Etan Thomas, Darius Songaila and Oleksiy Pecherov to the Timberwolves)
Now that we have gone over all of the major moves to this point in the NBA free agency, I will rank the best starting five in the league ON PAPER and include my incredibly premature predictions for the 2009-2010 season. Keep in mind, the following are only MY PROJECTED STARTING LINEUPS (using the five best players on a team, and many will probably change because as we know, NBA coaches love messing around with their starters), and of course I am assuming that everyone will stay healthy, which we also know will never happen, but it makes this more fun.
1. Lakers - Derek Fisher, Kobe Bryant, Ron Artest, Pau Gasol, Andrew Bynum
2. Spurs - Tony Parker, Manu Ginobili, Richard Jefferson, Tim Duncan, Matt Bonner
3. Celtics - Rajon Rondo, Ray Allen, Paul Pierce, Rasheed Wallace, Kevin Garnett
4. Magic - Jameer Nelson, Vince Carter, Mickael Pietrus, Rashard Lewis, Dwight Howard
5. Cavaliers - Mo Williams, Delonte West, Lebron James, Anderson Varejao, SHAQ
6. Nuggets - Chauncey Billups, JR Smith, Carmelo Anthony, Kenyon Martin, Nene
7. Mavericks - Jason Kidd, Jason Terry, Josh Howard, Dirk Nowitzki, Erick Dampier
8. Raptors - Jose Calderon, Shawn Marion, Hedo Turkoglu, Chris Bosh, Andrea Bargnani
9. Jazz - Deron Williams, Ronnie Brewer, Andrei Kirilenko, Carlos Boozer, Mehmet Okur
10. Pistons - Rodney Stuckey, Ben Gordon, Rip Hamilton, Tayshaun Prince, Jason Maxiell
11. Heat - Mario Chalmers, Dwayne Wade, Michael Beasley, Jermaine O'Neal, Udonis Haslem
12. Hawks - Mike Bibby, Joe Johnson, Jamal Crawford, Josh Smith, Al Horford
13. Hornets - Chris Paul, Peja Stojakovic, Mo Peterson, David West, Tyson Chandler
14. Thunder - Russel Westrbook, James Harden, Kevin Durant, Jeff Green, Nenad Krstic
15. Blazers - Steve Blake, Brandon Roy, Travis Outlaw, Lamarcus Aldridge, Greg Oden
16. Wizards - Gilbert Arenas, Caron Butler, Mike Miller, Antawn Jamison, Brendan Haywood
17. Bulls - Derrick Rose, Kirk Hinrich, John Salmons, Luol Deng, Joakim Noah
18. Clippers - Eric Gordon, Baron Davis, Blake Griffin, Marcus Camby, Chris Kaman
19. Knicks - Chris Duhon, Nate Robinson, Wilson Chandler, Al Harrington, David Lee
20. Rockets - Aaron Brooks, Trevor Ariza, Tracy McGrady, Shane Battier, Luis Scola
21. Suns - Steve Nash, Leandro Barbosa, Jason Richardson, Amare Stoudemire, Robin Lopez
22. Warriors - Monta Ellis, Stephen Curry, Corey Maggete, Anthony Randolph, Andris Biedrins
23. Bobcats - Raymond Felton, Raja Bell, Gerald Wallace, Boris Diaw, Emeka Okafor
24. Grizzlies - Mike Conley, OJ Mayo, Rudy Gay, Zach Randolph, Hasheem Thabeet
25. 76ers - Andre Miller, Willie Green, Andre Iguodala, Thaddeus Young, Samuel Dalembert
26. Nets - Devin Harris, Courtney Lee, Keyon Dooling, Yi Jianlian, Brook Lopez
27. Bucks - Ramon Sessions, Brandon Jennings, Michael Redd, Bruce Bowen, Andrew Bogut
28. Pacers - TJ Ford, Danny Granger, Jarrett Jack, Troy Murphy, Jeff Foster
29. Timberwolves - Ricky Rubio, Johnny Flyn, Ryan Gomes, Kevin Love, Al Jefferson
30. Kings - Bobby Jackson, Kevin Martin, Tyreke Evans, Andres Nocioni, Spencer Hawes
Western Conference Finals: Lakers over Spurs in 7
Eastern Conference Finals: Cavs over Celtics in 6
Finals: Cavs over Lakers in 7
Rookie of the Year: Blake Griffin
MVP: Lebron James
There was no reason or rhyme to those predictions, I just have some sort of gut feeling in July that this year Lebron will prove to Cleveland that he can in fact win a title, and then move on and bring his glory to New York (wishful thinking, I know... but a fan can dream!).
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
New York fans! Not to worry, go use the code "REBOUND" and get 20% of all their other awesome basketball-related shirts:
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
1. Bulls - Derrick Rose
2. Heat - Michael Beasley
3. Wolves - O.J. Mayo (traded to Grizzlies)
4. Thunder - Russel Westbrook
5. Grizzlies - Kevin Love (traded to Wolves)
6. Knicks - Danilo Gallinari
7. Clippers - Eric Gordon
8. Bucks - Joe Alexander
9. Bobcats - DJ Augustin
10. Nets - Brook Lopez
11. Pacers - Jerryd Bayless
12. Kings - Jason Thompson
13. Blazers - Brandon Rush
14. Warriors - Anthony Randolph
15. Suns - Robin Lopez
16. 76ers - Marreese Speights
17. Pacers - Roy Hibbert
18. Wizards - Javale McGee
19. Cavs - JJ Hickson
20. Bobcats - Alexis Ajinca
21. Nets - Ryan Anderson
22. Magic - Courtney Lee
23. Jazz - Kosta Koufos
24. Thunder - Serge Ibaka
25. Rockets - Nicholas Batum (traded to Blazers)
26. Spurs - George Hill
27. Blazers - Darrell Arthur
28. Grizzlies - Donte Green (* this was the pick the Grizz got in return from the Lakers in the atrocious Pau Gasol trade... Donte Green, Kwame Brown, Aaron McKie, Javaris Crittenton or Pau Gasol? Who would you rather have?)
29. Pistons - DJ White
30. Celtics - JR Giddens
NOTABLE 2ND ROUND PICKS: Mario Chalmers, Bill Walker, Luc Richard Mbah a Moute, Chris Douglas Roberts
Now, obviously. it is much easier to look back in hindsight and criticize/praise teams for making good or bad draft picks. So, as I sit at my computer and bash organizations for making stupid draft picks, I do it all while respecting the pressure and stress that goes into the NBA draft and all the talented people involved in scouting and finding the next NBA superstars. Without further ado:
Best Pick of the 2008 Draft: TIE - Chicago Bulls and Orlando Magic
While Derrick Rose is clearly a franchise point guard, superstar in the making, he was not the obvious choice for the #1 pick in the 2009 draft. Beasley's incredible college numbers made it more interesting, but in the end the Bulls clearly made the right decision.
The real steal in the first round of the 2008 draft came courtesy of the Orlando Magic, drafting the Western Kentucky guard Courtney Lee with the 22nd pick.
While it's not that surprising that Lee fell this far, a good number of teams are kicking themselves for not believing in this guy. We found out this year that Lee is an elite defensive guard, a substantial scoring threat and an overall great teammate. I'm sure any Knick fan would be thrilled to have Courtney Lee on our roster instead of the injury-plagued (albeit quite talented Danilo Gallinari).
Worst Pick of the 2008 Draft: Wolves (Pacers a close second)
Add another blunder to the Timberwolves management's resume... sure they drafted OJ Mayo, but immediately shipped him away for Kevin Love (a solid player, but by no means will he ever make as much as an impact on an NBA team as Mayo).
No disrespect to K Love, I think he will be a good player for years to come, but it was certainly questionable to pass on a talent like Mayo... something the Wolves will be regretting for a long time to come.
Most Surprising Rookie Season: Brook Lopez
I don't think anybody, including the Nets, thought Brook Lopez was going to blossom into the dynamic low post force that he has become so quickly. As a ROOKIE, Lopez averaged 13 ppg, 8.1 rpg, 1.8 blocks, shot 53% from the field and 79% from the free throw line. Impressive. Also not to mention his wide array of post moves resembles that of a seasoned veteran, not a rookie. At this point, I'd take Lopez over the likes of Greg Oden in a heartbeat.
Least Impressive Rookie Season: Danilo Gallinari
Yes I am being extra hard on Vanilla Danilo being a Knicks fan and all, and he did have a legitimate excuse for sucking this year, with his back injury and all, and he did show some promising signs in the limited minutes he did play. But all that being said, with the #6 pick in the draft, by all measures he had a very disappointing rookie year.
Most Untapped Potential: Anthony Randolph
This 6'10" athletic phenom from LSU unfortunately spent a large portion of this season wasting away on the Warriors bench due to Don Nelson's rigid unwillingness to give his rookies substantial playing time (that is until the Warriors decided to tank last season... but that's a whole other story). Anyways, this guy could be special if given the right circumstances, he's a dynamic scorer down low, a shot blocking presence and freakishly athletic. Look out for Randolph in the coming years, whether with the Warriors or not.
As the draft day approaches we can only speculate as to who will emerge into a bonafide NBA superstar and who will go the way of the Kwame Brown's of the world... anything can happen, I just pray the Knicks make a worthwhile pick with their ONE draft pick (thanks Isiah) or turn it into some valuable assets for the 2010 season. The draft airs tomorrow, June 25th @ 7 PM on ESPN.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Ian's Mock Draft:
1. Los Angeles Clippers - Blake Griffin
ESPN Player Comparison: Carlos Boozer meets Amare Stoudemire
2. Memphis Grizzlies - Hasheem Thabeet (barring a trade)
ESPN Player Comparison: Dikembe Mutombo
I would LOVE for the Knicks to trade up to #2 with Memphis and be able to grab Thabeet (who many are calling the next coming of Mutombo). Thabeet's defensive presence would benefit New York moreso than another shoot-first guard and would finally bring a legitimate big man to New York for the first time since Ewing (I'm not counting the ghost of Marcus Camby who wasted away on our bench with injuries before we shipped him off and he had a career resurgence). I just compared Thabeet to Ewing?! Don't get me wrong, the offensive skills are lightyears apart, and while Thabeet may never be even close to the overall player Ewing was, he's still a highly skilled 7'3" defensive guru - last time I checked, those don't grow on trees.
3. Oklahoma City Thunder - James Harden
ESPN Player Comparison: "a less athletic" Brandon Roy
While many "experts" have had the Thunder taking Spanish phenom Ricky Rubio here with the #3 pick, I personally think he will slip a little bit. First of all, the Thunder already have a stud point guard in Russel Westbrook, and if Thabeet is off the board (obviously if he's still here, he would be the pick for the Thunder), I wouldn't be surprised if the Thunder drafted this dynamic scorer to add to the already impressive young core of Durant, Westbrook and Jeff Green.
4. Sacramento Kings - Ricky Rubio
ESPN Player Comparison: didn't give one, so I'm going to say shades of Tony Parker combined with a better version of fellow Spaniard Jose Calderon (see for yourself)
If Rubio is still on the board, I think the Kings would be nuts to pass up on him, although Sacramento ownership has been quoted as saying that even if he is available that "it's far from a done deal." This years draft is incredibly deep and PG, and of all the teams in the league, the Kinds PG need is well documented - do you really want to spend another year starting Beno Udrih?! Of all the talented PG's in this years draft - Rubio, Holiday, Jennings, Flyn, Lawson - I would say Rubio has the most upsided, but at this point it's basically a crapshoot, I'd be happy with any of those guys on my squad.
5. Washington Wizards - Jrue Holiday
ESPN Player Comparison: did'nt give one, I'd say he reminds me a bit of Mo Williams, although not as good a shooter... yet.
Reports say that the Wiz are trying hard to shop this pick (Knicks, Rockets, Pacers all in talks) to land a proven veteran. However, if they don't pull this move off, it's clear that they're in need of PG, and Holiday may be the best still available. When Arenas is healthy, he can capably run the point (although clearly not his true position), but that's a big when, for Arenas is as injury prone as they come.
6. Minnesota Timberwolves - DeMar DeRozan
ESPN Player Comparison: Richard Jefferson
What's with all the "De-" prefixes? What's wrong with the name Mar Rozan, I think it sounds pretty cool actually. I'm curious as to the origins of African American names beginning with "De", you've never met a white guy who's name was DeBill DeSmith or DeTodd DeMarks. Interesting, if anybody has any feedback to this conundrum please let me know. Anyways, this may be wishful thinking on my part that the Wolves don't snag Curry here (a definite possibility with their need at SG), but DeRozan is more of a dynamic player and seems more NBA-ready than Curry.
7. Golden State Warriors - Brandon Jennings
ESPN Player Comparison: didn't give one... a bigger, stronger Tim Hardaway with shades of (the good) Stephon Marbury - who can THROW IT DOWN.
The Warriors pose another serious threat to the Knicks hopes of landing Curry (if the Knicks don't trade up), as he would be a perfect fit for "NellieBall". However, the Warriors also don't possess a true point guard, and if Jennings is all he's cracked up to be, it could be a good fit. The Jennings story is well known by this point (he skipped college to go play professionally in Italy, and although he wasn't so offensively succesful in the Euro pro leagues, he does have tremendous upside and a valuable experience under his belt playing against elevated competition). I think Jennings is also a good fit here, but the Warriors could go a number of ways with this pick - maybe taking big man Jordan Hill to solidify their frontline or taking another guard like Johnny Flynn or Tyreke Evans.
8. New York Knicks - Stephen Curry
ESPN Player Comparison: didn't give one, so I'll roll with Coach D'Antoni and say Allan Houston, although not as big or NBA-ready, give him time and he could become very special... in the Ray Allen / Allan Houston mold.
This could be wishful thinking, but it's certainly possible. Curry has expressed serious interest in playing for D'Antoni and the Knicks (who even stated that he's a BETTER shooter than Allan Houston) and would be a great fit for the 3-happy Knicks. If he is gone however, there's no need to despair for the Knicks have needs at virtually every position and there are a slew of talented guys out there - Arizona's 6'10" Jordan Hill (an athletic 4 man who could provide a big role if David Lee opts to leave New York), Memphis's Tyreke Evans (the dynamic, athletic SG), possibly even talk of the 7'1" Ohio State big man B.J. Mullens (unproven at this point but with tremendous potential). As a fan, I'm hoping for either Curry or a trade up to get Thabeet... but I have complete faith in Donnie Walsh (first time I've ever said that about Knicks management) to make a smart, fiscally responsible move with our eyes still locked in on the 2010 free agent bonanza.
9. Toronto Raptors - Tyreke Evans
ESPN Player Comparison: Jerry Stackhouse
If Evans is still on the board, the Raps would be crazy to pass on him. They will be in need of another backcourt guy if Marion decides to leave (Anthony Parker will also be a free agent, leaving them very thin in the backcourt behind Calderon) and Evans could be a solid fit in Toronto. Evans is a strong, NBA-ready guard who has been compared to Jerry Stackhouse and would be a nice asset for a struggling Raptors team.
10. Milwaukee Bucks - Jordan Hill
ESPN Player Comparison: Ronny Turiaf
There has been talk of the Bucks eyeing Syracuse PG Johnny Flynn here, but I believe Jordan Hill will be a better player from the get-go. He's a solid 6'10", very good rebounder and defender and could solidify an already solid Milwaukee frontline with Bogut and Villanueva. Throw Jordan Hill into that mix and the Bucks could make some noise if they manage to hold on to Redd and Jefferson.
11. New Jersey Nets - Tyler Hansborough, PF
12. Charlotte Bobcats - Earl Clark, SF
13. Indiana Pacers - Johnny Flynn, PG
14. Phoenix Suns - Gerald Henderson, SF
15. Detroit Pistons - Austin Daye, C
16. Chicago Bulls - DeJuan Blair, PF
17. Philadelphia 76ers - Jeff Teague, PG
18. Minnesota Timberwolves - B.J. Mullens, C
19. Atlanta Hawks - Eric Maynor, PG
20. Utah Jazz - Chase Buddinger, SG
21. New Orleans Hornets - Sam Young, SF
22. Dallas Mavericks - James Johnson, PF
23. Sacramento Kings - DaJaun Summers, SF
24. Portland Trailblazers - Ty Lawson, PG
25. Oklahoma City Thunder - Terrence Williams, SG
26. Chicago Bulls - Omri Casspi, SF
27. Memphis Grizzlies - Toney Douglas, SG
28. Minnesota Timerbolves - DeMarre Carroll, PF
29. Los Angeles Lakers - Darren Collison, PG
30. Cleveland Cavaliers - Derrick Brown, PF
That's all for my first round prospectus, will be back after the draft with my percentages.
Buck: So I was on my favorite website TMZ.com last night...
Artie: You're favorite website is fucking TMZ?! What's #2 isuckcock.com?
Buck: (uncomfortable fake laugh - hilarity ensues)
Anyways, I don't want to ruin this for you, but since HBO has seemingly taken down all of the clips of the on-air segment, I'll leave you to your own devices to find that one (hint: HBO On Demand... if you don't have this on your cable, I don't know what to say to you). However, there is still the online portion of the show that aired on HBO.com and featured even more of Artie Lange ripping Buck a new asshole... enjoy: Artie Lange Owns Joe Buck.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
This duo seems even crazier than the Seikaly/Benitez couple... Adriana Lima - arguably one of the hottest, most famous models out there is marrying.... Marko Jaric?! Have you ever even seen this guy play? (It's not very pretty). I think even US Weekly stayed away from this one, being that nobody on their staff would have any clue who Marko Jaric is. Again though, props to Marko, he is the poster boy for guys all around the world trying to get with chicks way out of their league... good work Marko!
(I'm seeing a theme here, both Jaric and Seikaly are European... maybe it's a Euro thing? You sure don't see the likes of Brian Scalabrine or Wally Sczerbiak landing dimes like these do you?)
Wow am I glad I found that picture of AK47. Hahahaha. Clearly that is not his wife, and it is well known (at least via internet rumors) that Masha lets Kirilenko do whatever he wants when they're apart, but I can't imagine she'd be too thrilled seeing that picture. Kirilenko is one of the strangest looking dudes in the NBA, and that picture is just a testament to that. Nothing more needs to be said. Masha's lookin' fine though.
Ok, that's all for now... more to come later. If you have any more NBA odd couples, send them my way and I'll throw em up here.
Monday, June 15, 2009
I've been hearing a lot of Laker praise over here in NYC as of late, a trend I find rather disturbing. Don't you all remember we're not supposed to like LA?! We compete with LA! We know we have better Mexican food than them here in NYC (HAHA!), in fact we know we have pretty much everything better than them here in NYC. So why weren't all you New Yorkers rooting for good ol Florida, the home to 90% of our grandparents and our go-to domestic beach destination, a true tropical paradise on the East Coast! Sure the Knicks have never had much of a rivalry with the Lakers, so I can't use that excuse to justify my dislike for Kobe and LA (I do like Phil Jackson very much though and congratulate him on breaking any record formerly held by a Celtic - the 9 rings of Auerbach in this case)... but our rivalry goes beyond sports - it's a "tale of two cities" to be exact. They get it easy out in LA, with their constant 80 degree weather, scantily clad models roaming down the street and care-free lifestyle. While us New Yorkers slave it out through the four seasons, through the all-go-no-slow NY lifestyle and through our pathetic basketball team with a measly 2 championships compared to LA's 15.
Poor Orlando - they came so close, yet so far. The 4-1 series would seem like a beatdown to any casual viewer, yet us true basketball afficionados know the truth - had Dwight Howard made one more free throw, had Courtney Lee hit that layup, had SVG reduced Jameer Nelson's playing time and not fucked with the chemistry... it would have been a much different series. And I'm not saying the Magic would have won by any means (LA was simply the better team), but it would have been much more interesting. Oh well, maybe next year when Shaq goes to Cleveland, him and Lebron can take down Kobe - you know David Stern already has the blueprint for this matchup drawn up from his super-secret underground lair where he constructs his robot refs and draft fixes (What? You don't believe this exists?! Come onnn).
Well, I guess I can stop my rant now and be happy that at least the Celtics didn't win again. Now that would have REALLY sucked.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
For all the boxing fans out there, I hope you got to tune into the Cotto / Clottey fight last night from MSG - quite a spectacle. Really entertaining fight, although I must say I was upset by the result of Cotto retaining his welterweight title. First of all, judge Don Trella scored the fight at 116-111 in favor of Cotto - FAR to wide a margin to score this back and forth bout between two equally matched fighters. Who knows, maybe Trella was getting paid off by the hoardes of Puerto Rican backers in attendance at the Garden. Not to mention, Cotto had some questionable moves during the fight - first off, throwing Clottey to the ground in Round 5 inflicting a knee injury on Clottey (some people have said that Clottey slipped, but go rewatch that and you'll notice Cotto shoving Clottey's back straight toward the mat). Secondly, Cotto landed a serious cheap shot right to the back of Clottey's head, right in front of referree Arthur Mercante nonetheless, yet not getting a penalty for it.
Nobody can deny that this was an extremely entertaining, evenly fought battle... but something tells me that had this fight occurred somewhere other than MSG (Cotto's home turf) on the eve of the Puerto Rican Day Parade, we might have had a fairer decision. With all that being said, we need a rematch! Cotto vs. Clottey #2 - BRING IT ON!
Oh and just for the record, boxing is still better than MMA.
Friday, June 12, 2009
In order to not sound bitter, I will concede that I do enjoy going to college in Boston, if only for the fact that it’s made me love New York even more. Am I biased? Certainly. Am I elitist? I would say so. Do I care what you think? Not at all… we’re from New York baby, we don’t give a damn what you think because we all know deep down what the best city in the world is, to touch on the old cliché, “so nice they named it twice.”
For my inaugural blog, I will point out a few disparities between Boston and New York, both sports related and otherwise, that will likely sway most readers in the favor of New York:
1. Happy Hour does not exist in Boston. That’s right; try asking for Happy Hour at a Boston bar, they’ll look at you like you’re a mutated George Steinbrenner coming to snatch their Red Sox hats. Cheer up Boston!
2. As much history as there is at Fenway Park... the place is still a dump. Unless you're dropping hundreds of dollars for good seats, you'll be relegated to the bleachers or even worse the "grandstands" - where the wood benches are sticky with beer, there is less leg room than a coach ticket on Delta and if you're unlucky enough to get an "obstructed view" ticket you'll be straining your neck for three hours trying to look around the giant metal poles that block half the field.
Awesome seats!! I'm so glad I spent $50 on this ticket and now have to drink away my misery with $7 beers all game! Great day at the ballpark.
2. The “public transportation” service known as the T stops running at 12:30, is an antiquated, notoriously slow and over-crowded metal coffin, and takes about an hour to go the equivalent of 10 stops on a NY subway. Not to mention the older lines run above ground and cause the Boston roads to function like Siberian highways:
Here's a fabulous shot of the overcrowded green line:
3. The cab drivers don’t know where they are going. Unless it is a major landmark, the majority of Boston cab drivers will ask you detailed directions to your destination and then proceed to yell at you if you don’t know how to get there. This is unacceptable; imagine if a cab driver in New York said he didn’t know how to get to a street? Can anyone picture this happening? Absolutely not.
4. As if it’s not bad enough that the driver’s don’t know where they’re going, try being stuck in the back of a Boston cab, which don’t even have enough legroom for a leprechaun, let alone my 6’5” frame.
I leave you with a quote from former mayor John Lindsay: “Not only is New York the nation's melting pot, it is also the casserole, the chafing dish and the charcoal grill.”
Thursday, June 11, 2009
(taken from sirbacon.org)
Dock Ellis Says He Pitched 1970 No-Hitter Under The Influence of LSD
"Los Angeles, April 8, 1984- Former Pittsburgh Pirates' pitcher Dock Ellis says he was under the influence of LSD when he pitched a 1970 no-hitter against the San Diego Padres.
Ellis, now co-ordinator of an anti drug program in Los Angeles, said he didn't know until six hours before his June 12, 1970 no hitter that he was going to pitch.
"I was in Los Angeles, and the team was playing in San Diego , but I didn't know it. I had taken LSD..... I thought it was an off-day, that's how come I had it in me. I took the LSD at noon. At 1pm, his girlfriend and trip partner looked at the paper and said, "Dock, you're pitching today!"
"That's when it was $9.50 to fly to San Diego. She got me to the airport at 3:30. I got there at 4:30, and the game started at 6:05pm. It was a twi-night doubleheader.
I can only remember bits and pieces of the game. I was psyched. I had a feeling of euphoria.
I was zeroed in on the (catcher's) glove, but I didn't hit the glove too much. I remember hitting a couple of batters and the bases were loaded two or three times.
The ball was small sometimes, the ball was large sometimes, sometimes I saw the catcher, sometimes I didn't. Sometimes I tried to stare the hitter down and throw while I was looking at him. I chewed my gum until it turned to powder. They say I had about three to four fielding chances. I remember diving out of the way of a ball I thought was a line drive. I jumped, but the ball wasn't hit hard and never reached me."
The Pirates won the game, 2-0, although Ellis walked eight batters. It was the highpoint in the baseball career of one of the finer pitchers of his time, and arguably,one of the greatest achievements in the history of sports." (http://www.sirbacon.org/4membersonly/docellis.htm)
DOCK ELLIS = LEGEND.
Beginning his baseball career in Japan as a member of the vaunted Yomiuri Giants (the Yankees of Japan), Matsui led the Giants into four Japan Series and won three of them. Matsui signed with the Yanks in 2003 and to this day has continued to impress Yankee fans with his incredible dedication to baseball. However, possibly more interesting than his baseball skills is his extreme obsession with adult films, so much so that he was even a judge at a porn awards ceremony. A Time Magazine feature on Matsui describes his obsession accurately: “Matsui's only eccentricity, if it can be called that, is his extensive private library of adult videos. His refreshing ability to laugh self-deprecatingly about his porno collection, reporters say, is one reason why fans and even nonfans have taken to him so much.”
You also gotta love Matsui's wedding description - "he had married in a private ceremony in New York. His bride's name has not been announced, but it is reported that she is 25 years old and had been formerly working in a "reputable position at a highly respected company" - you gotta respect a man with a sense of privacy, especially somebody playing for the Yankees (A-Rod take some notes). She looks hot. Good job Hideki.
"Coach D'Antoni came up to Curry after the workout and told him the Knicks would not be able to select him in the June 25th draft, when asked why, Curry said, D'Antoni told him, "Because Allan Houston said he didn't want to be the second-best shooter in Knicks history."There you go. Leave your Knicks draft opinions in the comment section! Who should we take and why?
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
10. Brian Dawkins
The combination of Dawkins being a former Eagle AND one of the NFL's dirtiest players make him a lock for this list. It's well known that his tackling-techniques border on illegal (helmet first tackles) and dangerous. Sure the NFL is a violent game and players are going to get hurt, but there is also a code of how to do things right, one that Dawkins doesn't follow. Good riddance from the NFC East... Brian Dawkins - a true scumbag.
9. Roy Williams
Another truly dirty, NFC East foe - Roy Williams of the Dallas Cowgirls. Now, I have less of a problem with this picture because he's inflicting his blatantly illegal horse collar tackle trademark on Donovan McNabb, but that doesn't change the fact that he has to stoop to horse collar tackles to make a mark on the game. Roy Williams is washed up and despite the NFL basically NAMING A RULE AFTER HIM he still continues to piss off opposing players everywhere. I'd love to see Williams line up at WR and get jacked up one of these days - you have it coming Roy... watch out.
8. Stephon MarburyOh Starbury - what a fool you are. I don't even know where to begin with this clown - from proclaiming himself to be the "best PG in the NBA" to the head tattoo to the "truck party" to signing with the Celtics! or to just being an overall jackass... Marbury was a lock for this list. The shoot-first, overly cocky, locker room cancer whom the Knicks paid hundreds of millions of dollars to single-handedly drive Larry Brown out of town, alienate the entire team and fanbase and draw out a messy buyout negotiation that took way too much attention from the game of basketball and placed it on Marbury (which I'm sure he loved). I'm glad you suck now, enjoy him Boston!
7. Roger Clemens
I'm pretty sure Clemens isn't just hated in NYC, but across the country for his blatant lying and failed attempts at pleading innocent (in front of Congress nonetheless). If he would just admit already that he was juicing, people would forget about it and move on, yet he continues to insist that he was throwing 98 MPH fastballs at age 40, during a sudden burst of energy after his stuff had fallen off for the previous few seasons. Okayyyy Roger. Steroids or not, Clemens was one of the greatest pitchers of the modern era, you can't take that away from him... but jesus what a douchebag. The guy named all his sons names that start with "K" (Koby, Kory, Kacy and Kody) and constantly promoted his "family man" image while having an affair with country singer Mindy McCready (for more great dirt on Clemens pick up Jeff Pearlman's fabulous book "The Rocket that Fell to Earth" here.)
6. Kevin Youkilis
Typical Red Sox d-bag, complete with ugly goatee and annoying batting stance. Keep nailin him with pitches Joba! Good work! What's even more annoying is how much Red Sox fans love him with their dumbass "Youuukkk" chants and bumper stickers - the worst.
5. Michael Jordan
I'm putting Jordan here at #5 because I have a love/hate relationship with the greatest basketball player of all time. I love his skills, competitive drive, talent and respect him tremendously. However, as a Knicks fan I can't help but recall my childhood when Jordan would just annihilate the Knicks at home, on the road and most upsettingly in the Playoffs. Not that anyone else had much of an answer for Jordan, but it seems like some of his best performances came against the Knicks. True heartbreak watching him beat three different Knicks teams in the playoffs.
4. Jeff GarciaThere's just something about Jeff Garcia that rubs me the wrong way. Maybe I'm jealous of his super-hot Playmate wife, or maybe I'm pissed off that he continuously used to beat the Giants (first with the 49ers in the epic playoff collapse of 2003 where they blew a 24 pt lead to the Jeff Garcia/Terrell Owens 49ers (god what a loathsome combo) and then with the Eagles). Luckily we took down Garcia and the Bucs during our Superbowl run, but that doesn't change the fact that he's one of the more annoying QB's in the NFL. Retire already.
3. Barry Bonds
I really don't need to bother writing anything... that picture says it all. Major league douchebag. While in Pittsburgh, before he started juicing, sportswriters labeled him "MDP" - Most Despised Player... and these allegations were said to be confirmed by numerous teammates... need I say more?
2. Tony Romo
Ahhh good ol Tony Homo. The pretty-boy, whiny, wanna-be superstar who isn't really that good and still hasn't won a playoff game. Stick to the tabloids Romo, you're a bitch. It is nice that he's destined to doom the Cowboys for the near future and continue failing in the clutch (at least until Jerry Jones dies, which now that I think about it could be a VERY long time... do not let this man get his hands on any anti-aging technology). Wipe that grin off your face Romo, you suck.
1. Reggie Miller
The all-time Knick-killer, flop artist extraordinaire - Reggie Miller. Congrats on making it to #1 on the Most Despised list. He know spends his time offering mindless commentary on TNT and continues to haunt Knicks fans for this moment (sorry, I had to post it):
Those 9.6 seconds will haunt me forever. Everytime I see Reggie's smiling face on TV I want to smash my screen and punch Reggie (and Cheryl for that matter) in the face. Spike Lee would still kick your ass Reggie. Fuck you.
HONORABLE MENTIONS: Curt Schilling, Carl Pavano, Kenyon Martin, Ray Lewis, Donovan McNabb, Josh Beckett...